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A conversation a day before the governor’s rule is lifted in Punjab.

Wicked Plus: Morning President.

Grin Grin: Alo Guv’nor. Give me an update.

Wicked Plus: Well sir, everything looks rosy to me.

Grin Grin: Take off your sunglasses.

Wicked Plus: Oh. Yes, things do look different now.

Grin Grin: Of course they do, the great game has come undone.

Wicked Plus: Don’t worry Sir; I am still here to advise you.

Grin Grin: What advice? Like the one where you said the long March wouldn’t happen because Nawaz Sharif was stout and had the gout because of his fondness for starch he couldn’t march?

Wicked Plus: Sorry, I wasn’t aware at the time that there had been advances in medicine.

Grin Grin: Well, what about the time you told me that the PM was a goldfish who would be happy in his little bowl?

Wicked Plus: That’s Darwin’s fault. PM Gilani evolved to develop a set of gills so he could breathe under the water we tried to drown him in.

Grin Grin: I don’t believe in evolution. Look at me as a prime example, everyone said I had changed after I got out of prison, but am still the same as I was in 88-90 and 93-96.

Wicked Plus: Yes Sir, I think people now see your Presidency as Intelligent Design. But Sir, also do not believe in any Indian women who may bear you a Hindu child who takes an interest in journalism.

Grin Grin: What are you on about?

Wicked Plus: I mean GEO of course.

Grin Grin: Oh yes, glad you warned me. Must take them off again when I have the chance.

Wicked Plus: Yes Sir, just like we did with Sherry. I always believe sherry must never be free, but corked in a bottle.

Grin Grin: Whatever. You have cost me a lot of support. What are you doing about the negative press?

Wicked Plus: Thanks to my tireless efforts one TV channel, and an English and Urdu newspaper are in your favour.

Grin Grin: You have good people skills.

Wicked Plus: Thank you. Not only is the media with you, but the whole nation is with you, all four parts of it, Asifa, Bilawal, Bakhtawar and Aunty Sanam.

Grin Grin: Some good news at last. Where did you get with the Sri Lankan fiasco?

Wicked Plus: We are still following up on some leads.

Grin Grin: Why can’t you get anything right?

Wicked Plus: Look at the bright side. At least we didn’t lose the series.

Grin Grin: Whatever. But we did lose the battle to keep our own Justices.

Wicked Plus: You mean we will now play cricket at Lords?

Grin Grin: No, no, no. I mean the Supreme Court.

Wicked Plus: Can’t we appeal to a third umpire?

Grin Grin: Are you serious? The USA is no longer against justice. Now it is only against integrity.

Wicked Plus: Good. At least there is still some common ground.

Grin Grin: What are you doing about security, things are bad.

Wicked Plus: Don’t worry Sir; your securities are still earning top interest rates.

Grin Grin: Ok. What about Swat, FATA and the rest of the country?

Wicked Plus: Don’t worry Sir; you won’t have to visit those places.

Grin Grin: True. Let’s send Gilani.

Wicked Plus: Sir I know there is pressure on you these days to remove the pious governor’s rule. What will be my next assignment?

Grin Grin: Don’t worry; there is always a place for people like you in Pakistani politics.

Wicked Plus: Can I be the next prime minister?

Grin Grin: Of course you can. Pakistan is a democratic country built for opportunity and opportunists.

Wicked Plus: We should give thanks to the Almighty.

Grin Grin: Yes. You remember what we have to say to the public and media.

Wicked Plus: Yes Sir. We ended pious governor’s rule because we brought back real democracy. We brought back judges because we promised initially. We all back the betterment of the Islamic Republic of Pakistan. But we cannot bring back electricity. No need for enlightened people when leaders are already lightened.

Grin Grin: Good, very good.

Wicked Plus: But Sir, what about NRO and the new Justice who is actually an old Justice removed to make way for new Justice who is now the old Justice who would never have touched the NRO?

Silence. And for the first time, Grin Grin becomes Grim Grim.

By: Fasih Zaka



  1. This piece was originally published in ‘The News’. You should credit the publication as well as the author.

  2. At the end of the article name of the writer has already been mentioned

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