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The last sunset that I saw with you, was years ago. An orange sunset, stretched across the sky like marmalade on toast. It is possible that you may have forgotten, but on my mind it stays painted: an glowing glowering eye of the lowering skies that melt into coral and orange. The sky was like hills of water, coloured and breathing, a velvet cloth. The trees, the aged and ageless trees, upright like fingers of the earth, reaching out to grasp the skies. We were cold, in a numb and senseless way. The cold didn’t go in through our skins, it was everywhere. The air, slowly rusting, sighed and cracked. The brightness of our souls, starched and tight like newly ironed shirts. I remember. Alles. I remember.

The shards of light that tore the air, punctured the seeing eyes. A fluid sunset in symphony. The obscure veins of the sky that wound and rose within, without meaning, without soul. An insipid beauty. And we were in every breath of air. And we were in every stream of light. And we watched the sky, in all it’s hollow glory, breathe and breathe and breathe. And we were but dreams to pass each other by.

My eyes, unseeing and glassy, tried to take in everything around me. An overwhelming hunger to feed the eyes, and so I gave in. You never really looked around, I know. Caught up in your own thoughts, but you always thought I never knew. You always thought I was unknowing. I have never given up, I am never that way. Your hands, cold and blue, softly encompass mine. My wrists warm up. I never noticed. It was perhaps always like that. I never noticed. And we were in every drop of rain that fell on the earth. And we were in every flower on the grave of a loved one. And we, unfeeling, stood together to watch the sky fade away, and watched it breathe and breathe and breathe.

We never resorted to words. It was an unspoken pact. My hands, so warm in yours, fought against the cold air. We heard the tulips at our feet talk amongst themselves. Their petaled mouths that curved and bowed to speak. But the silence was what we were listening to, the silence. And it grew ancient and strong as the trees, brighter than the godfather stars that glowed and pouted. The silence, that echoed off the air, the dust, our feet – deeper, deeper than the oceans, deeper than your thoughts. And we were in every blade of green grass that glowed with life. And we were in every birds tiny feathered chest. And your eyes were but made of dreamwaters to let me see by.

The sky breathed slowly, watching us. I never knew. You never knew. We never knew. The pagan sun, the unseeing eye of the fading, dying sky, was closing, fluttering, saying goodbye. And I stood beside you, my father, for comfort, in silence. And you stood behind me, your only child, for support. It was age – ageless, it was time – timeless. It was always and never. It was us. And we were in every child’s hopeful eyes. And we were in every woman’s prayer. And we watched the sky fade to grey, watched it breathe and breathe and breathe itself to sleep.

{For Dad}

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